Switchblade 101, with Professor Gumba. - Kimber Forum

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Old 04-13-2019, 05:06 PM   #1
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Switchblade 101, with Professor Gumba.

Obviously I have a love/hate relationship with Italian stilettos. And clearly, most of you guys have heard me deride the stiletto--guilty as charged. So why saddle yourself with a 500 dollar piece of junk? Well, the knife only cost me about 20 bucks, it's making the miserable tool work for what it's supposedly designed to do--that takes 480 more dollars.

Student: Wait, isn't that knife supposed to kill? It doesn't work?
Professor: On paper, yes. In a dark alley, no. The average stiletto has its blade held to the handle with a flimsy pin, leaf springs fail for no reason, the blade steel is scrap, and butter knives are usually sharper.
Student: Then why would I want it?
Professor: Refined to the original design of its predecessor, (the deadly 15th century Italian dirk), the tool has its moments.
Student: So it's really a dirk?
Professor: Not always. If your switchblade has bayonet blade, that will hold you back--notice my blade is in the dagger style.
Student: So the dagger is superior?
Professor: Oh, for 50% of the job, yes. Notice that mine has been modified to slash, as well.
Student: Why all the variant additions?
Professor: Because attackers, bangers, muggers and ex-boy friends are all cowards unless buttressed with friends and alcohol. You will certainly be attacked from the rear. You'll need one hand to fend from the front.
Student: That seems impossible with a blade akin to a paring knife!
Professor: A four inch blade from what's called a "nine," meaning a four inch blade and a five inch handle, can reach a jugular vein, a femoral artery, a lung and the eyes.
Student: What if your dominant arm is grabbed?
Professor: Well, I carry on both sides, but a stiletto flipped to the weak-side hand can be grabbed up or down, the one true benefit of a dagger.
Student: What other benefits can be learned?
Professor: Most people have never seen a stiletto other than in a movie. Even your aged mother has seen "Blackboard Jungle" or "Rebel Without a Cause." That famous sound of "swish-snap" is know even in Japan as the sound of a switchblade. And if you polish your edge to glint in the moonlight, over 60% of your attackers will find a bully-boy reason to back down with dignity. Let them go.
Student: Professor, you've sold me! Can I have that switchblade?
Professor: Actually, no. A nagging suspicion tells me that RustyIron is going to steal this one when my back is turned...class dismissed, remember people--PEOPLE--a true/false test is scheduled for Thursday and cheating is expected...


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Old 04-13-2019, 08:44 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by The Tourist View Post
Student: Then why would I want it?
For the same reason you want the redhead: They're nice to look at and they make sexy sounds. But be careful if you need one for something serious.


Originally Posted by The Tourist View Post
Professor: Because attackers, bangers, muggers and ex-boy friends are all cowards unless buttressed with friends and alcohol. You will certainly be attacked from the rear.
Assassins attack from the rear, and the knife will be useless. You'll be dead before you know you're leaking red. Guns and knives are good when the assailant is some fool who started before he had a solid plan.


Originally Posted by The Tourist View Post
Student: What if your dominant arm is grabbed?
Bwahahahaha! That's funny.

If your assailant his holding your arm, it means two things. First, he's not hitting you with that one. Second, he's not defending himself with that one. And since you have a free hand, then your assailant's day is soon going to take a dreadful turn for the worse.


Originally Posted by The Tourist View Post
over 60% of your attackers will find a bully-boy reason to back down with dignity. Let them go.
True dat.
There is no honor in making another man dead. It's a shameful thing. Ask the Shaolin priest.

Originally Posted by The Tourist View Post
Professor: Actually, no. A nagging suspicion tells me that RustyIron is going to steal this one when my back is turned
Ain't no honor in that, either. The only resolution to this problem is using the switchblade in a no-holds-barred came of mumblety-peg.
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Old 04-14-2019, 04:18 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by RustyIron View Post
There is no honor in making another man dead. It's a shameful thing.
Almost as shameful as finding out that the punk you let go just went around the corner and killed an innocent who wasn't as prepared for violence as you were.
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Old 04-14-2019, 06:11 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by JBear View Post
Almost as shameful as finding out that the punk you let go just went around the corner and killed an innocent who wasn't as prepared for violence as you were.
Ya' know, that's the early plot twist in "Spiderman." Parker is mad at the wrestling promoter and lets the thief go, essentially saying the same thing, "It's not my problem."

This same thief runs into Parker's uncle and kills him. The idea is that we are all responsible for peace and justice.

I also like to use humor. My wife and I are always armed, and yes we've tangled with the dregs of the mall. Evil will persist if no one objects.

So, I try to promote laughter, I carry a knife and I cheat.
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Old 04-14-2019, 10:06 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by JBear View Post
Almost as shameful as finding out that the punk you let go just went around the corner and killed an innocent who wasn't as prepared for violence as you were.
Yeah... no. You're not allowed to go around killing people because of the crimes they might commit in the future.
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Old 04-14-2019, 11:03 AM   #6
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I'm not talking about the vigilantism, I'm saying the best defense is an overwhelmingly superior offense.

If someone engages me with the potential to end my life, I'm not gambling at determining the "minimum force necessary to 'end the threat'". I'm not going to intimidate them with flashy butterfly knife maneuvers or try to scare them away with cocking noises. If they don't physically attack me then nothing is going to happen at all. But if they do, there will be no chance to change mind and retreat. They will be attacked right back, with prejudice, and I will end them completely in as few seconds as possible or die trying.

Some fun, multi-use phrases for self improvement are things like "start at the end and work backwards", "don't put off until tomorrow what could be done today", and the arguably less flexible "never, ever, EVER underestimate the danger of someone who thinks they have the right to use force against you".
Life isn't a game. Don't play with criminals.
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Old 04-14-2019, 01:19 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by JBear View Post
I'm not talking about the vigilantism, I'm saying the best defense is an overwhelmingly superior offense...Don't play with criminals.
Two very salient points, but my life has changed.

For example, as a man in my twenties I was always buttressed by a "superior force." Two, now while I do not rub elbows with anyone in the criminal ranks, our society has truly botched our legal system.

As I surmised in another forum here, we now have to depend on the Aryan Nation to execute those felons who slip through the cracks due to a misperceived application of racism.

I laughed at that sign reminding the adherent to "take a knife, take another knife, take a third knife."

I did, in fact, do that today without giving it the slightest thought. Of the three polished blades, two were switchblades.

To me, a "sir ender" would be the consonant "R," as in the spelling of S-I-R.

The strange communist ideology of "surrender" appears to undocumented in my area...
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Old 04-14-2019, 03:07 PM   #8
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That's the beauty of Samuel Colt making us all equal, so to speak. When age, circumstance or genetics have taken from you (or not given to begin with) the physical buttress of superior force, it takes a pretty meth'd out linebacker to overcome a doddering old fart who can make a 10mm do it's thing in crisis.

I will absolutely avoid any and every dustup to the point of being accused of cowardice, but only because I'm afraid of our horridly broken "justice" system, not because I'm afraid of the fight or my ability to sleep afterwards. I am not looking for an excuse to kill people. The [many] people who have threatened me have so far been frightened off fairly easily, but to date, none have brandished more arms than I had. Most thugs, when they see they are outgunned, do exactly what the stats suggest: they decide to do something else, and I will happily let them go and do just that. But if someone actually attacks me or my charges, there's no going back and it will be over before running away occurs to anybody, one way or the other.
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Old 04-14-2019, 03:44 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by JBear View Post
I will absolutely avoid any and every dustup to the point of being accused of cowardice, but only because I'm afraid of our horridly broken "justice" system, not because I'm afraid of the fight or my ability to sleep afterwards.
Oh, I never threw an offensive punch in my life--except one in seventh grade, if that still counts.

As for cowardice, consider discretion as the "better angel."

BTW, going to court for a weapons violation (a class A misdemeanor in Wisconsin) can still get you jail time. I was tried in 1979, bargained a plea, and skated. But it was tense for a bit.

As for losing sleep, consider this. Never accept an unearned guilt. If you stop a bully from abusing a a smaller person, you got involved. If you don't, the terror of that innocent person will also haunt you.

I'd stomp the bully and hold him for the police. Remember, there are surveillance cameras everywhere. Your good deed will also be recorded.
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Old 04-15-2019, 04:02 AM   #10
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...and no good deed goes unpunished. Land of the free and all that jazz.
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