07-22-2016, 10:58 AM
Join Date: Nov 2014
Gurkha humor can be downright spooky.
It's the second Friday of my maintenance schedule, and because I am such a law-abiding type, I was dutifully seated in the examination chair at the eye clinic at 7:50AM sharp. And trust me, when a Gurka says "Zulu sharp" he's not making idle chatter.
As a comfort for his patients, my doctor uses Q-Tips to open and modulate the dilated eyes of his clients as a nod to comfort. Trust me, one of their doctors used a metal rod with a ball-bearing for a tip, and you learn to appreciate the minor creature comforts.
After a brief eye chart exam, which he insists I do in Pashtun, (he says it's easier for me to memorize a few of his letters than it is for him to waste valuable time learning all 26 of ours), he donned a lighted visor and reached for a pack of Q-Tips.
All he found was an empty wrapper. And you don't have to speak Pashtun to understand his displeasure.
He elongated all of 4' 6" height, strode to the supply closet and produced the Q-Tips. Although my back was turned, it was clear that the new package was deftly sliced by 14 inches of regulation Nepalese Army polished spring steel. The perfectly balanced kukri does make a distinctive 'wisp' as it passes through still air.
In spite of myself, I blurted out, "I'm surprised they let you carry things like that at work."
He descended slowly into a diminutive chair beside me and whispered delicately close to my ear, "I always keep my Q-Tips totally concealed..."
There was a pause I can only describe as a rush of oxygen, tepid moisture and lost souls being slowly and dispassionately sucked from the room. And yes, in that defining moment a polisher knows exactly how the end will come and more importantly, feel.
Then the Gurkha let out a maniacal laugh, and threw back his arms at the joy of own levity.
Oh, blessing and peace be upon you," he chortled, If I was going to kill you I would used a stool--a kukri is reserved for the brave..."
BTW, he says my eye is healing nicely, and he sends his best to the forum.
...No matter where you are it's enemy territory...
Last edited by The Tourist; 07-22-2016 at 11:02 AM.