Gurkha humor can be downright spooky. - Kimber Forum

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Old 07-22-2016, 10:58 AM   #1
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Gurkha humor can be downright spooky.

It's the second Friday of my maintenance schedule, and because I am such a law-abiding type, I was dutifully seated in the examination chair at the eye clinic at 7:50AM sharp. And trust me, when a Gurka says "Zulu sharp" he's not making idle chatter.

As a comfort for his patients, my doctor uses Q-Tips to open and modulate the dilated eyes of his clients as a nod to comfort. Trust me, one of their doctors used a metal rod with a ball-bearing for a tip, and you learn to appreciate the minor creature comforts.

After a brief eye chart exam, which he insists I do in Pashtun, (he says it's easier for me to memorize a few of his letters than it is for him to waste valuable time learning all 26 of ours), he donned a lighted visor and reached for a pack of Q-Tips.

All he found was an empty wrapper. And you don't have to speak Pashtun to understand his displeasure.

He elongated all of 4' 6" height, strode to the supply closet and produced the Q-Tips. Although my back was turned, it was clear that the new package was deftly sliced by 14 inches of regulation Nepalese Army polished spring steel. The perfectly balanced kukri does make a distinctive 'wisp' as it passes through still air.

In spite of myself, I blurted out, "I'm surprised they let you carry things like that at work."

He descended slowly into a diminutive chair beside me and whispered delicately close to my ear, "I always keep my Q-Tips totally concealed..."

There was a pause I can only describe as a rush of oxygen, tepid moisture and lost souls being slowly and dispassionately sucked from the room. And yes, in that defining moment a polisher knows exactly how the end will come and more importantly, feel.

Then the Gurkha let out a maniacal laugh, and threw back his arms at the joy of own levity.

Oh, blessing and peace be upon you," he chortled, If I was going to kill you I would used a stool--a kukri is reserved for the brave..."

BTW, he says my eye is healing nicely, and he sends his best to the forum.
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Old 07-25-2016, 01:58 AM   #2
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Angry Hoo Boy!!

I'd find a new damn doctor!!
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Old 07-25-2016, 05:25 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by lineman73 View Post
I'd find a new damn doctor!
Actually, while the events of these stories are based in fact, my eye doctor is one of the sweetest and most dedicated professionals I know. I write the exchanges with humor, and I've even told him about how I insert humor for use at KT.

During the first few days after surgery, I had some complications and ample amounts of downright fear. He opened his office on a late Saturday afternoon to give me a personal examination and reassurance.

And I'm not the only one who feels this way. The eye clinic is three floors with its own operatory. It has dozens of employees and an ever-changing waiting room of patients. It's a big place.

Over the last five months every single one of these people has reported that he is the kindest and most giving professional they have ever met.

Take what I write with a grain of salt. You don't hear this word often enough, but this guy is a "healer."
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Old 07-25-2016, 07:07 AM   #4
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Is he working on my doctor permission slip for me to go wing suit flying?
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Old 07-25-2016, 09:24 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by montanaResident View Post
Is he working on my doctor permission slip for me to go wing suit flying?
Not me, I'm not risking my life challenging a Gurkha...

My guess is that your best chance is to wait for a day when he has curried goat, he seems to like that. The meal might put him in a good mood.

He's not that fond of me, so dropping my name won't help either...
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Old 07-25-2016, 10:03 AM   #6
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Wink Who Me?

I can appreciate the humor part, although I, myself have never done such a thing!!!biggrin2.gif biggrin2.gifbiggrin2.gif

I have had cataracts removed from both eyes. I understand the apprehension of having someone messing with your eyes. Even if he doesn't have a big freakin' knife!!!

BTW, no wing suits for this fat old ex-Lineman!! I remember from Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer...........BUMBLES BOUNCE!!!BUMBLES BOUNCE!!.jpg
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Last edited by Lineman; 07-25-2016 at 10:10 AM.
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Old 07-25-2016, 11:31 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by lineman73 View Post
I understand the apprehension of having someone messing with your eyes.
It seems to be a common problem. I've seen several macho guys and one other biker (all of us members of the "green bracelet club") who seem to really get rattled by these types of procedures.

I have a strange problem because of this. My favorite piece of gym equipment is the StepMill. I used to pound that thing seven days per week, 2.5 hours per day.

But it's the machine where I first saw the flashes. The Gurkha told me the steps were not the problem, yet, I just cannot get back onto them without a touch of fear.

I lasted five minutes last week.
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