American Suicide Bombers Attack Taliban Office In Qatar - Kimber Forum


Go Back   Kimber Forum > Off Topic Area > Off-Topic Discussion Forum

Like Tree4Likes
  • 3 Post By Chuck43
  • 1 Post By Richard
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-08-2015, 11:14 AM   #1
Super Moderator
Chuck43's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 34,765
American Suicide Bombers Attack Taliban Office In Qatar


The recently opened office of the Taliban has come under attack by American insurgents, sources confirmed Tuesday. The complex attack on the facility included a vehicle-borne IED from a Ford F-150, gunmen armed with AR-15s, and Chili’s Baby Back Ribs lobbed from outside the compound’s perimeter.

“I never saw anything like it. Well, at least not from the receiving end,” said Abbud Abdul-Basit, a Taliban fighter who witnessed the attack. “They just charged the gate like they didn’t care! I mean, that was effective. I always wondered why it worked so well.”

“They were chanting ‘USA! USA!’ and ‘Git R Done’. I close my eyes and I can still hear them,” said Tariq Uthman, a guard from Khyber Pakhtunkhwa. “I can’t tell my wife, my friends back home. How can they understand such utter senselessness?”

A Taliban spokesman said there was no reason to believe the attackers were citizens of Qatar.

“All evidence points to the attack being conducted by foreign fighters from America,” said Taliban spokesman Zabiullah Mujahid. “We have recovered literature from an American extremist organization, the NRA, from the truck. The deceased fighters were wearing Under Armor shirts and Oakley glasses. We also believe they may have received training at CrossFit camps in North Carolina.”

Jay Carney, a spokeman for the Americans, stated that the government of the United States had no connection to the attacks and did not condone violence in the struggle to bring the 21st century to the Middle East.

“We are a peace-loving people, but when the greatest tenets of western civilization are mocked, we cannot control what true believers of ‘Murica may do,” Carney said. “They have died heroes and may their bodies be returned to small towns in the midwest and rural south with 72 Patriot Guards riding beside them.”

Reaction in the Taliban stronghold of Waziristan, Pakistan was swift and somber. “Who are these cowards who disguise themselves as civilians and blow up women and children just to oooohhhhhhhhh…..” said resident Abdul Rackman Muhammad. “Um, maybe I should rethink some things. Yeah, totally not as cool when it’s happening to you.”

The Taliban established their office in Qatar to enter negotiations with the United States and the government of Afghanistan. Mujahid insisted the recent attack has not derailed these delicate talks.

“This does nothing to change our goal of imposing Sharia Law throughout the region and reverting Afghanistan to the stone age. If the Americans think one attack will stop us and our tribal partners from banging goats and beating women, they are sadly mistaken.”

Insta-Gator, Lineman and Richard like this.
"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not."-- Thomas Jefferson
Chuck43 is online now   Reply With Quote
Remove Ads
Old 07-08-2015, 11:20 AM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 2,446

A spokesman for the Taliban told CNN that the office could not be immediately reoccupied because it was thought that the Americans had booby-trapped it with "Bacon Bombs." "We must wait for the Holy Islamic Bomb Squad to make the offices safe before anybody can enter," he said.

Chuck43 likes this.
NRA Life Member - 1982
Richard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2015, 12:17 PM   #3
Senior Member
The Tourist's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 7,915
One of goats was heard to be singing a Tammy Wynette song before tearing off her burqa and throwing herself on an IED.

One of the American mercenaries, wiping back a solitary tear, remarked, "I've never seen as much devotion as that woman had for her husband..."

She was laid to rest in the bacon, slowly simmered, and silently consumed by the three blacks and two bikers in the American contingent.
...No matter where you are it's enemy territory...
The Tourist is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
All American Hound Dog! 2sharp2 Miscellaneous 2 07-07-2015 06:42 PM
Audi Autonomous Office Chair Chuck43 Off-Topic Discussion Forum 4 06-28-2015 10:10 AM
Contract Post Office Branches Chickadee Kimber Concealed Carry 11 11-15-2014 09:03 PM
Armageddon Gear American Made Chuck43 Off-Topic Discussion Forum 7 09-17-2014 07:31 PM
American Handgunner magazine Islander Off-Topic Discussion Forum 2 03-17-2014 03:35 PM