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Old 03-23-2019, 04:30 PM   #1
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Old guys don't know they are old guys.

I try to be a kind, caring married suburbanite It is a facade, a lie, and an inconvenient truth. And while I tell lots of silly jokes here, I must admit I have never been able to hold my temper--once lit, it's over. It happened again today.

I had not been to the mall since the surgery. I surmised that it would be foolish to strap on the Kimber and put stress on the incisions since Monday might open new, more beneficial freedoms. My wife always packs her SW 360PD, so I just slipped a new, toasty Boker into my well-known crusty blue jeans.

I sit in "my chair" at the coffee bar. Near me was your typical homeless beggar and user/abuser, replete with all his possessions in various nondescript bags. He did not speak to me or my wife for over an hour.

When I got up to get our refills, the douche' finally spoke. He wanted me to buy him a drink or give him money. I tersely told him to get a flippin' job. I did not actually say the word "flippin," but you can fill in the blank.

As I got to the cash register, the clown followed me. I heard swearing and threats, and suddenly it's 1968, just without Vicki. Like all bikers, I had my plans all decided decades ago. I was standing in front of two surveillance cameras, and I waited until he touched my lapel.

At that moment in Wisconsin, I would become the "victim," but I could legally become the "victor." I slid my thumb into my right front pocket and found the Boker's activation button. I was wearing brown Harley-Davidson Tyson boots, and I memorized the location of the nearest chair.

The drill for me had not changed in +50 years. I'd cut him to back him up, kick him sharply in the nearest knee to send him to the ground, and then club him with the chair. You know, "old school."

Just then the barista manager, Jessie, called the drifter by his first name. It turns out she was kind of his guardian, and my guess is that she didn't know he was soliciting inside the store, which is illegal.

I took my coffee, my wife's tea and laughed at him, kind of jealous of his unexpected salvation. He did threatened to meet me outside, but when we left, he was gone...

I now am relaxed, and tad sheepish. Had he grabbed me or my wife I was well within rights to settle his hash. My criminal attorney (and yes, I also have a business attorney) would have provided ample evidence I was "under par" due to the surgery and thereby 'helpless.'

I just got off the telephone with Jen, the B&N head manager. Turns out the guy has only been there a week and saddled up to the employees so he could bilk other customers. As per their in-store policy, Jen will notify the sworn officers and the mall security, and he will be asked to leave forever or be immediately arrested for soliciting.

And yes, there are Aryan bikers in prison. I hope he's learned his lesson. Truth be told, it would have broken my heart--oh, not over him, he's scum. But the Boker is new...
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Old 03-23-2019, 07:57 PM   #2
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Glad you didn't have to dirty up your pretty new Böker with bum juice.

Situations that escalate rarely work out well for anyone involved. Glad Jen is going to take care of the situation. I wouldn't sip coffee in a place that catered to bums. I wouldn't want to sit in the same chair or breath the same air. Avoidance of typhus and other disease is a high priority for me.
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Old 03-23-2019, 09:17 PM   #3
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If I had to only patronize places in Madison that were completely devoid of scum or protestors, that would only leave the "solitary block" of the Dane County Jail and the DeSoto dealership.

The rest of the town is libtard representatives and con-men. That's why we moved.

Bikers have to have coffee, and access to Sears. Only place to buy fairly good tools. Mac is gone. I think I got the last 7/8s six-point, deep-well socket they ever made...

Yeah, it would have been a waste to use a Boker worth more than a shill.
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Old 03-23-2019, 11:57 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by The Tourist View Post
Bikers have to have coffee,
Found a new post-ride coffee house this morning. Our old place closed its doors after about three years. It was an odd place: Rock N Roll Coffee. The walls were covered in guitars, posters, and other memorabilia. The hallway and the restrooms were all blacklighted. Of course there was always classic rock playing. And the guitars? No, we're not talking plain old collectibles, but guitars played by world famous artists that we all know. It was like a Hard Rock, but it was just a little coffee joint no bigger than a Starbucks. All I can figure is that the owner was a collector, and was perhaps writing off his toys as a business expense. This is right down the street from where Leo Fender had is radio shop. Anyway, the new place is new, fresh, and caters to the young whippersnappers who like their expertly crafted brew. It was nice. Mountain Bikers demand good coffee, too.
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Old 03-24-2019, 02:17 AM   #5
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[QUOTE=The Tourist;910866]Bikers have to have coffee, and access to Sears. Only place to buy fairly good tools. Mac is gone.[QUOTE]

At least you still have a Sears. Ours is now long gone.
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Old 03-24-2019, 05:10 AM   #6
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Our Sears just shut down last year. Fortunately, we also have Lowe's and Craftsman seems to have migrated over to there.
I've also had much better luck with the Husky mechanic's crap at Home Depot than I expected to.
My dad was a Mac guy. I've got some. Wanting to go my own way I also tried my luck with Matco and Snap-On, and Cromwell. I am not a professional mechanic though, and have determined that those tools are far too nice for my primitive abilities. Husky and Kobalt it is. Have to admit though, I have a weakness for Gearwrench...
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Old 03-24-2019, 05:17 AM   #7
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Stanley Black & Decker has chosen Lowe’s as the next retail destination for its Craftsman brand, which it bought from Sears Holdings earlier this year.
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Old 03-24-2019, 05:37 AM   #8
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Glad you didn't have to mess up the new Boker, or Jenn's clean store. Having the plan and options is why we carry what we carry.

For the record, I have been a Snap-on, Vulcan, Mac, Matco guy for many years. Having said that, the new 52" stainless set of boxes in the shop are from Lowes, But I still have my old 30" set of Vulcan boxes as well.
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Old 03-24-2019, 05:47 AM   #9
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Interesting story. While I empathize with the miserable existence most homeless live, I have little patience for them and am often quite blunt in my rebuffs. I am also keenly aware almost all of them are in their predicament due to countless miserable life decisions and choices they have made over and over again. Even family has usually given up on them, they have burned all their bridges.

I had recent minor surgery and it definitely set me back more than I expected. I walked out of the hospital but I was nothing to be reckoned with for a while.

The hospital is not in a great part of town, (well rotten) and my wife and I actually got panhandled in the waiting room before I was called in. Sheesh.
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Old 03-24-2019, 06:03 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by DeOlMan View Post
At least you still have a Sears. Ours is now long gone.
I fear ours is going. Their automotive center has been gone for several months. And while just that section faded, The Boston Store had a "going out of business" sale and folded completely. What's keeping Penney's up is anyone's guess.

Maybe that's what really got me mad. I was still a boy when Gimbels and Schusters went under. And to be sure, while I used to go to the mall everyday, now I go every two weeks. I tell everyone I'm 'recuperating.' I'm probably ducking the familiar shop names leaving and rows of millennial kiosks pushing junk.
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