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Old 04-17-2019, 01:07 PM   #1
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Interesting Event

Yesterday my wife lovingly informed me that my white New Balance tennis shoes made me look old. I replied I don't think it's the shoes honey, I am old and maybe somebody will think I just left the tennis court. She handed me her credit card and told me to go by myself some Sketchers gray canvas slip on's. Well I've never be accused of looking a gift horse in the mouth so I took the card and asked Oscar if wants to go for a ride in the truck. I interpreted his loud barking and excitement to be a yes so off we went.
As I pulled in the parking lot of Capital Sports I spotted a non-handicapped parking spot right by the front door. Well, my lucky day I thought. I parked the Escalade, stepped out and Oscar jumped into my driver seat from his custom made doggy seat which sits atop the consul and as I was hooking up his leash I hear a loud guttural screaming that sounded almost like death metal music being pumped out of somebody's car stereo. I thought it was coming from the pick up truck that just went down the lane in back of me but as the truck got further away the yelling just got louder. Now I just picked Oscar up with the leash attached when I noticed a very large guy standing very near the front door of the sporting good store I was going to go into; long hair, long beard, over 6 feet tall, 200lbs, wearing a wool poncho over his jacket and screaming out into the parking lot something like the "government wasting billions of dollars and he wants his money, "where is my money" he screamed. I noticed that he wasn't screaming at anybody in particular just out into the parking lot. He was about 40 feet away from me and I'm holding Oscar and I hesitate before I actually walk into the store to see what he's going to do. He looked and sounded kind of scary so I was in no hurry to get close to him.The next thing I hear there's a meek little voice saying "what's his problem" as this little old lady walked up to me from just exiting her car. I didn't know her and she didn't know me but she was sticking pretty close to me at that point as I was maybe on her only protection.
I could tell from her demeanor that she was more than a little nervous about walking into the store near this guy. So for maybe a minute we just hung out by my truck with the door open. I knew that I had my Colt 45 Defender under my buttoned up, untucked flannel shirt covered by my zipped up windbreaker. If that guy rushed us could I get it out in time? Then I remembered that I had put my Sig P238 in my jacket pocket earlier that morning, for when Oscar and I go for a walk, which would only require a quick unzip to get to.
So while I'm standing there holding Oscar with one arm and this little ole lady who I see you wants to grab my other arm, I make the preemptive unzip and slip my hand into the pocket to get a hold of this tiny little peashooter that I only carry when I'm worrying about fast charging dogs in the neighborhood. The last pistol grip I had in my hand was when I was holstering my 45. I would've felt much more confident if I could've gotten to my Colt just as fast. The little Sig didn't fill me with a lot of confidence even though knowing it was better than nothing. This guy was big and he was already enraged and if I became the object of his displeasure (by parking a big ole Cadillac in front of him) I could only hope that seven rounds of 380 would've stopped him.
He was heavily dressed with a wool poncho and probably an army field jacket maybe a flannel shirt. I hope those little CDs could penetrate all that but hoped, even more, that we would not have to find out.
Well as luck would have it he finished his tirade picked up his backpack/bed roll and walked into the store next-door which concerned me a little. At the same time the lil ole ladie's husband walked up and said what's going on? I told him not much but keep an eye out for that guy and we all walked into the sporting good store. While browsing the shoe department for the elusive Sketchers I kept my head on a swivel looking through the window near the front door to see if he would walk in there.
When a salesman approached me to see if you could help me find what I needed I told him that I could not but that he should keep an eye out for the gentleman who is outside screaming. There's a lot of knives and guns in that store that you can just pick up and handle and that would not be a good situation if he did.
Well to make a long story short (or is it too late?) I found my new shoes at ShopKo which is going out of business and I got a 20% discount. And actually I even feel younger wearing them.
Thanks honey.

Many morals to this story.
Number one, if you're over 60 don't wear white tennis shoes even if it is spring time.
Number two, when you're driving downtown don't take the Escalade take the Tahoe.
Number three, don't bury your concealed carry weapon under too many layers of clothes because it'll take you too long to get it out.
Finally, if you just gonna run a quick errand leave Oscar at home he'll be OK.
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Old 04-17-2019, 01:31 PM   #2
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#1: Yeah, I was converted from the "white walking shoes" many years ago by my wife. I now wear dark blue New Balance and I like the look better. When I had my double knee replacement a few years ago, she found me some black heavy mesh (some type of cloth) Sketcher slip ons that I like a lot. They almost feel like you don't have any shoes. I bought a second pair of them for new.

Wives have a way of trying to keep us old guys semi-stylin….LOL!

#2: I try not to go downtown any more! Wonder what was the issue with the big guy! I'd just as soon let him burn it off. Some days are bad days for everyone but most of us don't "share"!

#3: I keep it as unburied as possible with out doing open carry. If I'm somewhere as SHTF it will be uncovered quickly.

Last: I only take our 172 pound puppy with us when we're both going to a store that's dog friendly. She's sweet but "excitable".
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Old 04-17-2019, 03:00 PM   #3
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Happy Ending

So the wife likes the sketchers I picked out and she said why didn't I get another pair? So today I went back and following my own advice I took the Tahoe, I unzipped my jacket before I got out of the car, I left Oscar at home and I did not wear my white tennis shoes into the store. I found another pair of those Sketchers; the canvas ones that slip on only in a darker gray and they were marked down from $65 to $19. Yesterday a very similar pair cost me $52. So I scored.
And the best part is I didn't run into any scary weird people or little ole ladies apart from the cashier who asked me "Where is Oscar".
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Old 04-17-2019, 03:04 PM   #4
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Pistols are an "all or nothing" answer to a problem that you don't understand to begin with.

I suggest you also carry some form of a "semi-escalation" item. My wife and I have tasers, high powered flashlights (to blind an attacker at night) and some Cold Steel propellant supposedly 8% hot sauce.

Then again, that disreputable biker element also has brass knuckles, triplex chains (from the Harley primary--they're not just decorative belts anymore), and pool cues snapped "in twain."

Not to mention something sharp.

Frankly, I'd have gone somewhere else until the Jolly Mean Giant would have needed a nap or The Federales showed up. What if the guy was a well known jabbering idiot that some mental hospital knows and loves? You planting several hollowpoints in his hide is going to make the news.

Think I'm kidding? Remember the Catholic boys now tarred by the media as harassing the that fake Vietnam veteran injun? Most of the libtards believe the kid was guilty, despite how film shows he never said a word.

Buy some mace and a switchblade. Shooting a nutball is asking for trouble.

Edit: I wear out gym shoes due to plain age and destruction. Sorry, but I buy on sale.
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Old 04-17-2019, 03:51 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by The Tourist View Post
Pistols are an "all or nothing" answer to a problem that you don't understand to begin with.

I suggest you also carry some form of a "semi-escalation" item. My wife and I have tasers, high powered flashlights (to blind an attacker at night) and some Cold Steel propellant supposedly 8% hot sauce.

Then again, that disreputable biker element also has brass knuckles, triplex chains (from the Harley primary--they're not just decorative belts anymore), and pool cues snapped "in twain."

Not to mention something sharp.

Frankly, I'd have gone somewhere else until the Jolly Mean Giant would have needed a nap or The Federales showed up. What if the guy was a well known jabbering idiot that some mental hospital knows and loves? You planting several hollowpoints in his hide is going to make the news.

Think I'm kidding? Remember the Catholic boys now tarred by the media as harassing the that fake Vietnam veteran injun? Most of the libtards believe the kid was guilty, despite how film shows he never said a word.

Buy some mace and a switchblade. Shooting a nutball is asking for trouble.

Edit: I wear out gym shoes due to plain age and destruction. Sorry, but I buy on sale.
This guy was a pissed off bear and I was not gonna let him get to that little ole lady or Oscar. I don't think hot sauce would've stopped him even if it was on a taco. If he was charging us nothing short of a few center mass hit's would even slow him down.
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Old 04-17-2019, 03:56 PM   #6
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White tennis shoes are for old people, I've never owned a pair.
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Old 04-17-2019, 04:31 PM   #7
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Ya' gotta live in the 'burbs, Chuck, my boy.

All us affluent avant guarde retired guys who live off our wives wear white shoes to all the rockin' health clubs.

Even in Illinois I'll bet you can feel all my swave and deboner persona du jour...
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Old 04-17-2019, 05:49 PM   #8
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Now You Tell Us!

Originally Posted by Chuck43 View Post
White tennis shoes are for old people, I've never owned a pair.
This information would've been helpful a few years ago Chuck.
Anything else you think we might need to know now would be a good time.
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Old 04-17-2019, 06:21 PM   #9
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Last white tennis shoes I had was purchased by my parents, at least 50 years ago.
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Old 04-17-2019, 06:29 PM   #10
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Here are a couple of more just off the top of my head.

Don't wear your pants nipple high.
Avoid smelling like Ben Gay, mothballs or Old Spice.
Avoid being seen in public with hard candy.
Don't drive at walking speed unless you're backing into your garage.
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