Kimber Talk Forums banner

Maybe a laugh will wake this place up

994159 Views 14387 Replies 163 Participants Last post by  Krazeehorse
Back on January 9th, a group of bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge.

So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby;..whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked;"Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe;why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that; and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. "So tell me..why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: 5
14361 - 14380 of 14388 Posts
A little girl asks her mother "what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's belly last night?"
"Well that bouncing keeps your daddy's belly skinny"
I"It's not going to work replies the little girl"
"And why is that" asks her mother.
"Because the baby sitter keeps blowing him up!!
  • Like
  • Wow
Reactions: 4
One for your SWMBO…….
I actually kept my mammogram appointment.
I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!"
This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"
I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."
Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?'
"Fine," I answered.
I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!
"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door.
"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you.. Don't worry... The door's wide open, so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."
Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared.
And that's exactly how Leon and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going?" type greetings, Leon (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calm as possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."!
"You bet, take care" Leon replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Exactly 72 minutes later (I was watching clock between sobs), Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on, and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps........
See less See more
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: 5
  • Like
Reactions: 5
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home, reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for one penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for one penny a piece.
The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: 4
Since no one in congress ever seems to actually read those 500+ page bills that end up costing taxpayers, why not slip a provision in the next one to set term limits and cut their pay 10% each year for the next 10 years... worth a shot.
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: 5
14361 - 14380 of 14388 Posts